I hope your holidays were as wonderful as mine! What did you do? Have a traditional Christmas holiday with friends and family? Or did you try something new like I did this year?

Some of you may recall that last Christmas my husband passed away.  Considering that this would be an emotional time for me on the first anniversary of his passing, my mother suggested that we get away for the holidays and make some new traditions.

We weren’t sure if it was going to be possible but at the last minute (and because of understanding family members) we were able to get out of town for the entire holiday!

We didn’t go far (just across the state to Fort Lauderdale, one of my favorite places in Florida) but it was like another world compared to Ocala and it was a break I really needed.

We stayed in a great hotel, got the royal treatment and had an incredible dinner at Sublime, a gourmet vegan restaurant. Father Christmas himself could not have delivered a more appreciated gift.

On Christmas day we drove down to Miami Beach and checked out the festivities on South Beach. Surprisingly – everything was open! Shops and restaurants and tons of people were at the beach too. Back in Fort Lauderdale things were much quieter, there were only a few places open for dinner. We ended up at a retro place called Moonlite Diner and it was fantastic. The entire day was leisurely and relaxed, the first time in a long time that I felt this way.

It is good to be back though since I missed my Lucy and my mother missed her kitty too. We also missed family time but fortunately we will be able to have our own holiday together when my brother comes home next week.

I did get one unwelcome parting gift however from my holiday away – a Christmas cold! Oh well, you can’t have everything!

The following post concerns the death of my husband Sandy. It was posted on December 10th but I removed it shortly thereafter. I have decided to re-post it since it is too important to leave out of the personal information about me.

Sandy died from cancer on December 22, 2007. He was my best friend.

Here is the post from December 10th:

Thank you to all my concerned clients. Your compassionate and kind words about my husband’s dying are much appreciated. It has been very difficult indeed at this time of year especially. I hesitated in even posting this here except that it does concern healing spells and healing energy and that is very much a part of my being a witch. I am not one to complain about the natural course of things.

I have conducted a number of rituals and prayers for my husband. I do not see a miracle happening. I am not adding any negativity to it but just being as realistic as possible. It is important too for him to connect with his spiritual center right now. I do not know what it is like for him to go through this. Fortunately he seems rather calm and at peace. But then he is that kind of person at his core. When we discussed it I said, “I don’t know what we are going to do.” He said, “Well, I am going to die and then you’ll be pretty sad. For that I am very sorry.” No one knows him the way I do and no one knows that he is that kind of man. I wish others had seen this side of him but I am eternally grateful that I got to share in the best of his humanity and love.

This happened so suddenly. From his feeling unwell to being hospitalized it has only been two weeks. In some ways I always knew that he would leave me before his time. He is nearly 20 years older than me so it was destined to be the case, just not so soon. He is too young. I am too young.

Wiccans and indeed many pagans believe in The Summerland, which is a kind of Heaven/Karmic Weigh Station where you go after you die. In the Pure Land school of Buddhism there is a similar location in the Astral called The Pure Land of Bliss. This is not Nirvana, since Nirvana is a state of being that exists outside of the cyclical existence of Samsara (the cycle of death and rebirth on Earth) but it is a deeply held belief that like The Summerland this “heaven” is there for those who believe it exists and they can go there and learn and reconnect with their higher mind and work out karma toward eventual Enlightenment.

So this is where we are right now. A different path than I thought we would ever be on at this stage in our lives. Sadly this is a path that he must walk alone. I will give him the best directions I can though.

I celebrated my birthday yesterday. What does a witch do on her birthday? Same thing that everyone else does: moans about getting older and that her youth has slipped away, eats cake (vanilla with lemon curd & buttercream), enjoys gifts both witchy (new lamps for the Temple Room) and practical (500 GB external hard drive from my brother) and trundles off to bed with her familiar who gives the best gift to her this year: he is still here!

The update on my familiar is that he is doing much better. It is more about the quality of his remaining time with me now than the quantity. I just want him to enjoy his life and have all the things he likes as well as all the love I can give him every single day. I am much more in tune with his needs right now than I had been. I am making time for him and being aware. He is with me so often that sometimes I would forget he was there. Now I am taking time to notice.

The Goddess has been good to me this month and it was an extra trying month. Sometimes when things are going too well you need to be slapped back into reality and reminded – not everything just falls into place. Fortunately after some workings to help my family and dealing with issues that was like riding a roller-coaster without brakes; the Goddess has watched over me. Once again being aware is what I need sometimes – to remind myself why I offer chants and prayers to Her, why I light my candles and incense and prostrate myself spiritually to Her lovingkindness.

I have a Libra friend whose birthday is next in our Libra party-line. We get on famously. Libran’s are like that. We dig our own company. My brother is his best friend and he will be home to celebrate his birthday (though he was not home for mine – drat!) which will be tremendously fun. Libran’s are the life of the party.

My Libra friend is one of those truer than true friends whose heart is bigger than his brain sometimes. This of course makes him even more charming and endearing! He did a super nice turn for my brother this past week and it made me feel all warm and fuzzy about my birth-sign. We can be trying certainly with our waffling (the scales – what can I say? We see both sides.) but our hearts are constant and wide-open.

This Autumn will be a time of great change and I welcome it. I’ve been stuck for a while and I look to the Witches New Year (Samhain/Halloween) to usher in a new beginning for me. I’ve already begun the planning stages for our big night and will write more on that plus the new spells and rituals I will be conducting all month.

All witches have a familiar, even if they don’t realize it. Some are physically manifested like my own; others are on the astral plane. My familiar has been with me s a very long time. Now he is old and will leave me soon.

Knowing this does not change how he affects this witch’s heart. He has been my most faithful friend and companion for nearly 20 years. Since I was a young woman he has watched every step I have taken in my life, borne witness to every tear and transformation, every wobble on the path, my despair and my joy.

He was a great hunter. We called him “The Lizard King”. He loved to chase down lizards in Key West. He’d catch them and bring them upstair to the apartment and drop them out of his mouth onto the floor in the living room. This was when I allowed him to roam freely, when I thought an island full of cats would be a safe place for a cat to be a cat.

I was wrong. Precious small creatures belong in a safe environment where they can be protected. Although my husband differed in this opinion my vet did not so I brought my familiar and our other two cats indoors and kept them there safely for the rest of their lives.

Unfortunately, my familiars adopted brother, a big glorious Maine Coon mix, was the first to pass on the rainbow bridge when he was 7 years old. He had been with us only 6 years. He died from complications due to diabetes. Diabetes is very difficult to treat in humans but in pets it is nearly impossible. My husband tried valiantly, learning to give him insulin shots and monitoring his blood sugar daily but there was so much we didn’t know.

Our only girl kitty was another foundling adopted in Key West. She was a tame cat that had been caught and spayed then released. These cats in Key West all had a notch in their ears. She came to my back door at the cottage when rented on Catherine Street and demanded to be let into the house. She’d had quite enough of living by her wits in the jungle and told me in no uncertain terms that she wanted to be a house-kitty. My familiar never really liked her. They always had a somewhat tenuous relationship until they bonded when we moved to San Francisco. They spent time in a carrier together and then later were boarded in the same kennel while we waited for our movers to arrive. They didn’t end up friends but their tolerance was definitely raised.

She was an older cat and at the age of approximately 15 after many years with us she succumbed to thyroid cancer. We did not discover her life-threatening illness in time; had we known about the radiation therapy (which my familiar would have at the age of 14), we would have at least attempted to save her. Our vet had tried drug therapy and our only girl kitty went into renal failure.

My familiar who has been with me since he was rescued from the Humane Society in Akron, Ohio at the age of 4 months was the first kitty and now, my last.

He had indulged me by letting me give love to the strays we adopted but I knew he was happy for it to be back to just us again.These past five years have been tumultuous as he has aged. He had radiation therapy four years ago, which saved his life. He had a heart murmur even then but the vet did not seem too concerned about it. This year however he suffered a terrible ear infection which caused him to go deaf. While being treated for that the vet discovered that he had some kidney trouble and put him on a special diet. The diet seems to have worked and he is doing better now two months later.

Yet last night he was dehydrated and had to go the Animal ER in town. The vet mentioned his heart murmur and suggested that he may have heart disease. She said his kidneys were doing well considering his advanced age (18 in cat years, about 90 in human years). She suggested that after the holiday I take him to my regular vet to see about investigating the heart murmur and at least trying to get him on some kind of heart disease drug therapy. A cat as old as he is not one they would ever operate on or take pains to keep alive. Nor would I want any heroic measures taken. He came into my life with dignity and he will leave this life the same way.

I do not know how I will live without him, how I will even do something so simple as casting a spell. He has been in every circle I have ever cast. He has sat by me while I have written spells and crafted sigils and read magick theory, while I mixed potions and oils and made teas, categorized herbs, called down the moon, invoked the Goddess, the God, the Fae, the Elemental Guardians. He has been with me while I sat on my cushion and meditated, while I prayed and chanted and called to the Goddess Tara for her help. At my worst and loneliest moments he has been there and put his paw on my hand to tell me he understood, that I need not look any further for love and compassion for it was with me through him; always.

A part of me will die with him when he goes. It is the best part of me, which is tied inexorably with him; one spirit between two entities; he my animal spirit, my original nature. I am his human counterpart but I am humbled by his enlightenment and his wisdom. He will continue to guide me toward all of the things I cannot remember about myself.

Yet that doesn’t offer enough consolation. Even that I will see him again in another form someday. It is his face and big green eyes that have penetrated my soul at its deepest level and no matter how many times and lives we share it is those eyes that will haunt me all of my days.

Its about an hour or two before we will be settling in for our traditional casual Christmas Eve dinner. Family members are in the living room watching “Pirates of the Caribbean II: Dead Mans Chest” and I am safely ensconced in my office, listening to Christmas Music on Yahoo. Tomorrow the house will be filled with people and merry-making and this is my last few moments of quiet calm. Our “real” holiday was already celebrated anyway (Yule) so this is simply another excuse for festivity.

I’ve got lovely bayberry candles burning throughout the house (they have been since Yule) and hand-made incense from witch-friend Silver Ravenwolf that makes the house smell glorious.

I am a huge supporter of witch-craft and like to get my supplies and such from witches who really know their stuff. Here are some of my favorites:

Silver Ravenwolf’s Ebay Store: http://stores.ebay.com/silverravenwolfdesigns

Silver offers so many unique items. I have many of her oils and incense. I make many of my own oils, but sometimes its great to have a collection made by another witch. Her stand-out items are her jewelry and art curios. They are quite lovely. And yes, this is the same Silver Ravenwolf who writes all the books on witchcraft!

Earthy Elements: http://www.earthyelements.com

Joanna is the most talented Shamaness I know. Her artwork is exquisite and her products are used in some of my mojo and spells (especially her herb mixes). I have many of her art pieces in my collection. I especially love her gourd bowls and spirit drums. She also makes the lovliest Medicine Bags and jewelry.

Knickertwist’s: http://knickertwists.ecrater.com/

Before she opened this adorable emporium, Niccola was known as “La Bona Dea” (the Good Goddess). I use her herbs and oils and have a couple of her natural wood wands for various uses. Niccola is an eclectic but like me has a strong background in Stregha (Italian Witchcraft), so I immediately felt at home many years ago when I discovered her offerings. Another gifted artist, I own many of her original painted boxes.

Dinner is ready -we’ll eat then watch “Scrooge” with Albert Finney, my favorite rendition of “A Christmas Carol” since I was a child – I always loved musicals!

So I’d like to say – “Thank you very much, thank you very much – that’s the nicest thing that anyone’s ever done for me!”

See you after Christmas.

I am nearly caught up on dozens of spells that took longer to cast and ship than usual due to still unpacking my house. I know, I know, it has been weeks but give me a break – it’s only me unpacking and my Mom telling me where to put things (she’s the organizer). Thankfully by this next Full Moon, I will have all of my supplies (I needed to re-order many crucial items, like bottles for oils, herbs and some of my candles melted in transit – the soy ones did not hold up).

Just the act of getting everything together and shipping the results to my clients put me in a much better head space. I felt it looming before me, all of these concerned individuals, worried about their spells and wondering – when will it start to work?

This is one of the most important questions I get asked by clients. How long does it take to start working (the spell)? When will I notice a change? When will I have what I desire?

I try to give a reasonable time-frame but the truth is: it takes as long as it takes.

Some spells manifest immediately. No sooner am I finished casting and they have taken hold. I have had numerous clients email me the following day to tell me that they felt “something” change on the day I casted. That is the best circumstance certainly. The spell manifests, the situation changes, the desires are fulfilled and the client moves on to another issue – satisfied and walking on air! I like that too – happy and satisfied clients are what this witch is about!

The standard length of time is several weeks. Yet this depends entirely upon the obstacles to the spell (often there are many) and what the spell is needed to accomplish. Less complex spells manifest faster as a general rule. More complex spells (like one of my most popular ones “Make Them Love Me” ) can take months to come to fruition.

Case in point, a client of mine purchased the above mentioned spell two months ago and everything finally came together for them. It took two months and although they were often frustrated during this time and had to be mollified on several occassions and reminded not to obsess over their spell; it did manifest and they are happily together with their beloved as we speak, now moving in together.

This spell could have taken even longer to work. I’ve had successful results reported as much as a year later. It doesn’t usually take that long, and yet I often tell those who are convinced that it hasn’t worked by the third or fourth month that the slow burn may ultimately surprise them. And I remind them – no matter how long it takes, if ultimately you get exactly what you want – isn’t it worth it to wait?

There are many clients and potential clients who come to me wanting it all and wanting it yesterday. They want this person to love them, they want money in their bank account, they want this person at work to stop bothering them, etc. Often they ask for one big spell to act as a clearinghouse for all their issues.

Magick doesn’t work like that. Magick needs focused will and focused intention. Magick prefers the path of least resistence (always) and will not appreciate broad casting. Magick likes specifics.

One spell will do one thing. There are some spells (like my “Magnetic Attraction” ) that can have spill-over results into other areas of an individual’s life. My “Reality Shift” spell is also able to be used for more than one issue; yet a client can only shift into one possible reality at a time. These shifts can flow into one another however.

The best way to insure that your spell will have excellent results is to not to have someone casting dozens of spells at the same time on the same issue. It always comes down to focus. And it comes down ultimately to the client.

I can cast dozens of spells over a particular moon-phase and maintain my focus. But I am a witch who has been doing this since I was fifteen years old! For the layman, focusing just on one or two issues will be enough to keep them busy through manifestation. Keep this in mind before you over-cast.

And give time, time. Stay positive. Don’t obsess. Don’t email me every day or every week asking me WHEN? Let magick work its magick.

Postscript: Thanks to those who were concerned about my water issues in my new home – everything has been resolved and it has thus far not cost me anything. The sulfur smell is gone, but the water is a little hard so I may need a softener. The house is coming together nicely too, though do not mention scorpians to my Mother or she will freak!