Category Archives: Personal Life

Bully

Recently I learned that my best friend from childhood lost both her parents within several years of each other. I didn’t know that her mother had died a year ago nor had I learned until now that her father had also died a few years prior. I had not been in contact with my friend since I was last in my hometown over 20 years ago. I knew her parents well and she and I had been close since we were in nursery school, though our friendship had ceased somewhere in the fourth grade.

At first we exchanged several pleasant emails and shared our memories and sorrows. But then I asked her to friend me on Facebook and she did but soon sent a follow-up email telling me she was un-friending me because I was a witch and she said that kind of thing freaked her out.

I did not reply to her nor would I ever again. Narrow-minded people with closed hearts have no place in my life. I do not suffer fools and people with prejudices and ignorance.

I was hurt though because I contacted her to offer condolences and I don’t think that you should take such a stand with someone who comes to you to share kindness. Why did she need to say such a thing to me? What harm in the world would being my friend on Facebook mean? Would her other friends have said something (it was not my Morrigane account but my private real name account and I do not have any links to any witchcraft things though I make no secret of my practices, including Buddhism. Would she have un-friended me for that too?)

Many years ago I wondered why she had turned on me as a friend. She decided I was not cool enough and popular enough and then went on to be one of the popular girls in our school and was very cruel to me. I hoped after all these years that she had changed but instead I discovered that the wicked and mean little girl she had been is the compassionless woman she has become, so self-absorbed that she actually thought anyone would care that she was friends with a Buddhist Witch on Facebook.

She purports to be an artist, taking photos,almost all self-portraits in a fairy-esque fantasy themed collection of indulgent narcissistic images. She plans to sell these though I don’t know who would ever purchase photos of a middle-aged woman in such portraits. She is no real artist since artists do not tend to limit their hearts and minds and do so in such an unfeeling way.

I found myself wondering if after all these years that she somehow set me up thinking that she was this evolved person, so she could reel me in and then stab me delightfully by putting me down as she had done when we were children. I was not one of the popular kids and she decided that instead of being friends with me, she would be cruel to me and make fun of me every day at school. She was a bully then and sadly is a bully today.

I have learned a valuable lesson and I will continue to show compassion even to those who have not shown me the same. But I won’t engage them in dialogue and go on the assumption that once a creep, always a creep.

What’s in a name?

 

So many things have changed for me in the past five years. I lost my dear husband Sandy almost five years ago (this Christmas) and recently ended my long-term relationship with my beloved Eddie (we ended things in early June). I had a tumultuous  and difficult relationship with Eddie that I believe would not have survived as long as it did had I not used spells (The Love Hunter and Cupid’s Arrow plus a special custom spell that I will discuss at some point) to ease some of the issues present in that relationship.

Magick can do anything you need it to do (energetically that is, I cannot turn you into an immortal vampire) but there are times when you must put away the Book of Shadows and consider real-world implications and make hard decisions. I still love Eddie (I always will) but having a relationship with him is not possible and likely will never be because of the many complex problems he has.

Being true to myself then means knowing when to put a finish on it, which I did.

For the first time in 24 years I am on my own. I decided then to dedicate myself to one of my patron goddesses The Morrigan, as she is a Warrior Queen and that is the energy I most want to generate in my life. My other patron goddess is Green Tara but she is a Buddhist goddess, so I dedicate myself to her in a different way.

The Morrigan is pure Celtic magick all the way and she is the perfect namesake for the direction my magick is going in right now. I am proud to be named after her, using Morrigane (a derivative of her name) with a secret surname (if you email and ask I will tell you) that has to do with The Morrigan’s familiar, the Crow.

I am somwhat terrified of birds actually, so this is new territory for me and it’s very exciting.

This is me, the witch Morrigane, no apologies, no influences other than my own nature and the dark goddess whom I commune with.

 

Believe in love

I still believe in magick. That makes sense, right, since I am a witch. But I am also a human being and sometimes we lose faith, sometimes we lose our way and doubt even out deepest beliefs. My faith in magick has never wavered. My belief in other important values has borne its scars unfortunately.

Love. Four letters with such dastardly consequences.

Trying to explain how much you love someone is fruitless. They will never understand and probably not actually care all that much anyway. Love is deeply personal. It can be labeled by others but never understood what is in your heart. You wish maybe for a moment to share your love but words are cheap and meaningless and in the end you look like you are just trying to justify the unjustifiable.

I’ve had my doubts. And when I doubt I turn to what I know to be true – magick.

I whisper an incantation in the darkness and light a rosewood candle that a dear friend made for me. The scent immediately fills the bedroom and shadows bounce off the walls. I think about love eternal and know that no matter what has happened, no matter how dark in the depths of despair I have been, my love has been like this candle, flickering but still lighting the way.

I am not better because someone loves me. I am better because I have loved them. And in even the glorious failing of that love I still see the light as it fills the spaces of darkness and illuminates my path.

Love will find a way. And so will I.

Green Tara Mantra

I really need this right now. Spiritually it has been a difficult time for me as a Buddhist. I live my life as a pagan, a witch in all my daily dealings but my religion – my true spirit belong to Buddhism and is embodied by the Goddess Green Tara.

I need her more than ever right now. I need her guidance.

I say her mantra 108 times and it does not seem to be enough for  I need to be saying it 108 times by 10,000 times.

Here is a beautiful rendition of the mantra set to music and sung by Chinese artist Su Ching-yen.

In Tibetan “Om Tare Tuttare Ture Soha”
In Sanskrit “Oṃ Tāre Tuttāre Ture Svāhā”

Tibetan culture, and some others, green is considered to include all the other colors.

The practice of Green Tara helps to overcome fear and anxiety, but devotees also believe that she can grant wishes, eliminate suffering of all kinds and bring happiness.

When called upon, she instantaneously saves us from eight specific calamities. The First Dalai Lama lists the 8, and interprets them as representative of corresponding defects, flaws, or obscurations:

  1.  lions and pride
  2. wild elephants and delusions
  3. forest fires and hatred
  4.  snakes and envy
  5. robbers and fanatical views
  6.  prisons and avarice
  7. floods and lust
  8. demons and doubt

OM TARE TUTTARE TURE SOHA

OM represents Tara’s sacred body, speech and mind.

TARE means liberating from all discontent.

TUTTARE means liberating from the eight fears, the external dangers, but mainly from the internal dangers, the delusions.

TURE means liberating from duality; it shows the true cessation of confusion.

SOHA means “may the meaning of the mantra take root in my mind.”

According to Tibetan Buddhism’s beliefs, this mantra can not only eliminate diseases, troubles, disasters and karma, but will also bring believers blessings, longer life and even the wisdom to transcend one’s circle of reincarnation.

The Day after Valentine’s Day

Previously I always had a special Valentine’s Day spell but this year I did not for several reasons: first I feel that the many different love spells I offer cover all the avenues of love and there was no need to add yet another love spell, especially a one day only spell when my other spells are perfectly sufficient. Secondly, I didn’t feel like casting on Valentine’s Day.

I had many wonderful Valentine’s Day’s with my husband Sandy over the course of our marriage. Sandy wasn’t always the greatest gift-giver (especially when we first got married, he would panic and ask my mother what to get me) but then as time went on, he got better at it. For Valentine’s Day it was always jewelry and some of the nicest pieces I’ve ever gotten mostly all from a New Orleans designer named Mignon Faget.

Sandy knew me and knew my taste in jewelry perfectly. Occasionally for other holidays he might get me something from Kirks Folly, Lori Bonn or Robert Lee Morris, but almost always it was Mignon Faget.

Sandy didn’t go in for candy or flowers. He mostly liked to buy me little “I love you” gifts, when I collected vintage Coca-Cola items, Sanrio, San-X (Japanese kawaii stuff) or a CD of music he knew I liked, magazines he knew I liked to read but didn’t subscribe to and books.

Even though I had plenty of Valentines this year (counting all the nice greetings from clients & friends), I thought of Sandy and how perfect our Valentine’s Days together were. I was truly blessed to share my life with him and especially on such a romantic day. There are some people who think Valentine’s Day can never live up to their expectations and now four years after losing him, I know what they mean because it can never live up to the Valentine’s Day’s I’ve already had.

So from here on in the witchy world of my existence, Valentine’s Day will be a witch’s day off.

But Leap Year? I’ll be working that day my dears!

My Gratitude List

With 2012 about 20 hours from beginning (at least here on the East Coast in the US) I thought  this might be a good time to reflect upon the year that was for me and where I offer my deepest gratitude.

1. For my mother most specifically – she never gives up on me and has endured more than her share of watching me hard-scrabble through difficulties in life that no mother would find tolerable. Although sometimes she lets her Scorpio sting do the talking, for the most part she gives love and kindness when I know it must be extremely trying to do so. I know there are many things about me that she might not understand but I am grateful that she tries and keeps communicating with me.

2. For my brother Raymond – he may not know this but I think of him always with great affection and love. We’ve had a troubled relationship at times (we are only 10 months apart in age) but my love for him never wavers and I always want the best for him in his life. I’m glad he found someone (Lisa) to share his life with.

3. For my dear friend Suzanne – I know this has been a rough year and I am sending you all the magick possible that this new year will manifest beautifully. You inspire me with how you continue your education. You are fearless.

4. For my new friend Vanessa – your friendship is one of the best things that happened to me all year. It’s unusual how we came together as friends but triumphant in that we have surpassed such things and found help and support with each other.

5. For my wonderful clients – I am there for you always, offering to lend my ear, my magick, my support however I can to make your dreams and desires real. I share your joys and fears and elation as we work our way through spells and readings to make your lives better. You help me to make mine better by letting me help you.

6. For my dear friend Foo – you are always with me, you touch every part of my life in some way even though we are hemispheres apart. Writing with you and working on creative projects is one of the best things in my life. I am thrilled for your new family and the future.

7. For the lost ones – how I miss you my dear departed husband. My beloved familiar. My grandmother.

8. My extended family – my cousin Rick and how he is living his authentic life, my Auntie Marcia and Uncle Richard (my favorite Uncle, no secret here) who have a truly inspiring marriage and my Aunt Diane who is my mother’s best friend and does not hesitate to be truthful and honest to me through her. You are all in my thoughts and I am grateful to have you in my life.

9. My girl kitty Lucy and my mother’s kitty Timmon – thank Goddess for kittehs!

10. One of my favorite Beatles quotes sums it up for me:

“And in the end, the love you take, is equal to the love you make.”

 

Birthday Party

I’m just hours away from my birthday. Still working too – a witch’s work is never done!

I was thrilled to see many people take advantage of my birthday sale and I will be continuing it into next month. I will also be featuring my new 11-11-11 SPELL upcoming next month which I am so excited about. I cannot believe that this is the second to last spell of this kind I will be casting for the rest of my life. It is blowing me away. I will give you a hint – this is an ANGEL SPELL!

I’m not doing anything too awfully special for my birthday but taking a day off.

Those of you that have been keeping up with my private blog posts know otherwise what has been going on with all that and I will have another update soon.

I will also be discussing the 11-11-11 Spell is much greater detail.

Happy Birthday all my Libra brothers & sisters!

Loss

I was saddened to hear the news that the lead actor in the Starz series Spartacus, Andy Whitfield passed away at age 39 of non-Hodgkin Lymphoma. I watched the show when he starred in it and was not able to get back into it after he left because of his illness.

Andy Whitfield was a great looking man, fit and healthy, in the prime of his life. While no one deserves to die from cancer, it hit me very hard to see this man cut down at the height of his fame and the pinnacle of his fitness. He played Spartacus, a hero, a warrior, and he infused the character with a great deal of depth which could have been left wanting in another actor’s hands.

I think about his wife and what she’s feeling right now having lost her beautiful man. I know what it’s like to lose someone to cancer having lost my husband three and half years ago when he was perfectly healthy and then suddenly got sick quickly, went into the hospital and was dead in ten days time.

I hope his wife had time to make peace with her husband’s dying. Though I suspect you can never make peace with such a thing.

I’m still trying to figure out how to go on without my husband.

Maybe you don’t ever really go on – maybe you just do something else.

It all ties in together – how you get from here to there, how you put one foot in front of the other and proceed.

I send my heartfelt prayers to his wife Vashti  and their two children at this time of great loss.

 

Independence Day

Tomorrow is the 4th of July but it used to be called Independence Day. I like that better personally since saying the 4th of July doesn’t really say what it’s about. A witch usually keeps her private life private but I’ve opened up a lot in the past year about things so I wanted to share  my feelings for this great country of mine.

I am fiercely AMERICAN – I am a patriot in every sense of the word. I may not always agree with what goes on in this country and there certainly are some issues and failings with our government, big business and healthcare, but on the whole I believe this is the greatest country on Earth and we could be even greater if we were more open to the kind of things that some very progressive countries like Sweden, Denmark and Holland do for their citizens. If we studied the best of all the countries on Earth we could find a way to make a better world here for all of us.

I believe that people want the BEST for themselves and their children; that they are inherently good and this can be fostered and capitalized upon to make a better life for everyone. Perhaps that’s a little romantic and idealistic but hey, I’m a witch not a scientist.

I believe in our military and I am proud of the work they do and what they are willing to sacrifice to keep us free. By that same token I think they’ve been gone in the Middle East too long, there have been too many US casualties and they need to come home. War is a business, a big business but its costs are too much for this country to bear. I want our soldiers home. That’s mostly what I am thinking about for this Independence Day.

I’m casting spells tonight and tomorrow and I’m very happy to have those I love to share the holiday with. My brother Ray is working unfortunately but he is just a phone call away. My closest friends keep in touch and I will call my father tomorrow to wish him the best. Many of my views on this country were fostered by him, he taught me a great deal about our founding fathers and has always had a passion for history as has my Civil War History Professor Uncle Glenn, who always encouraged my brother and me to investigate history.

I’m proud to fly the red, white & blue. Don’t even try to tread on me.

Happy Birthday to the United States of America!

 

Hoppy Easter (from yesterday)

It was really nice to have company and make a traditional Easter dinner. Because not everyone present was pagan (only three of us) we didn’t force the Ostara bit on anyone but we celebrated in our own way by having plenty of candles lit.

I made a ham with brown sugar glaze, asparagus in a cream sauce with herbs de provence, orange and pineapple sweet potatoes, scalloped potatoes and a blueberry pie. Oh I grilled the pineapple for the ham too and glazed that as well. Came out great. The only thing I forgot were the biscuits! No one noticed though because there was so much else.

My brother Raymond unfortunately was still at work, so no Easter for him. He misses a lot of holidays working in the Gulf of Mexico.

I worked hard yesterday and then was right back to witchy work today as well as writing and doing readings. More readings tomorrow and spells too. I love being so busy. This was the busiest April I’ve had in three years, so it’s been great.

Making plans next for Beltane, so stay tuned!