Desire and Dilemma

As a witch I sometimes get put into precarious positions. I often have to consider the ethics of casting a spell for something that I know could fall under the heading of “morally bankrupt”. To whit, lately I’ve had an over-abundance of people contacting me about cheating on their husbands and wives (or being the ‘other” in such an arrangement.

Here is one such situation and the consequent dilemma: A married woman comes to me, still involved in a marriage that she out-grew a decade ago. She tells me that she is barely civil with her husband and they have not behaved as a married couple in three years. They do however have a young child together.

This client is involved with a man, also married, who claims to be in a similar situation, not in love with his wife (who is supposedly not in love with him) and they also have children.

These two people have found a measure of solace and intimacy with each other but each cannot see the ending of their marriages since there are children involved. Or perhaps it is fear? How often do we fear that something will change – not breaking out of a loveless marriage makes sense then – no changes. Keep these plates spinning even as you start spinning another but hope that you don’t drop them.

The married woman asked me to do a spell to help them in their illicit affair. Thus, this witch has a huge factor to consider according to the Wiccan Law of Three (which states that whatever you put out there comes back to you, three times good or three times bad, depending on your intention.) and of course has some inherent difficulties with the Wiccan Rede – “An’ it harm ye none, do what thou wilt.”

Times like these I depend on my sources of divination. Tarot cards have guided me through more situations like this than any other medium. I take out my deck, meditate on the question and then pull cards that will tell me what is happening and what my course of action should be.

The Tarot is true neutrality. Often my own feelings and judgments can get caught up in client’s issues. I remind myself that I am Buddhist and do not judge, that I always take the side of neutrality. And yet, how often in the back of my mind I just weep for these people who let their egos run amuck and start wheels into motion that can possibly roll over all the good they have in their lives. People get hurt when lies are involved. Lying is a rationale. You lie because you desire, because you want and then you let that desire control you and then the lie becomes a rationalization, that you deserve this because you have suffered, even as you risk potential suffering for all involved. It’s a dead end.

I asked this married woman what she wanted to see happen. She didn’t know. I’ve had other clients say the same thing. They were at a loss, only knowing that what they wanted right now today was to have everything continue as it was even though in the deepest part of themselves they already saw it changing. That is why they came to me.

My personal opinion and the morals that I live by do not include cheating on my husband. That is not to say that this is the right course of action for everyone. There could be extenuating circumstances. But I would not encourage anyone to lie and cheat on someone they had made a commitment like marriage with, no matter how much of a mistake it might seem. Better to end the marriage and see the truth of the other relationship from a position where you can view it clearly. Caught up in the emotion and drama of carrying on an affair is not the time to consider life-changes. Change your life first. If the relationship is still viable it will wait. If it is real it will be there strong as ever.

By that same token to several clients I have (both male and female) who serve as the “other” in a relationship with someone who is married; to know that you are second automatically reduces the respect you have for yourself. To know that your lover goes back to the person she has a commitment with and leaves you alone with your suffering self-esteem is not a positive position to put yourself in.

I believe everyone already knows these things. I believe everyone knows that you shouldn’t fool around with a married woman and that everyone knows that when you are married you shouldn’t cheat on your partner.

Yet that doesn’t assuage someone who needs what they need. Someone who needs a spell to help them to feel better, to keep what they have, to bring someone closer or to just feel that they will ultimately be ok, no matter what the outcome.

I can tell them the truth but the truth won’t soothe their embattled heart.

My judgments subdued I focused only on what the Tarot revealed. In one case the lovers were clearly soulmates who had been held apart by much negative influences in both their lives. They were soon to realize that their lives could not continue with the wrong people any longer. For another client, the cards suggested that his married lover had some kind of important lesson to learn and he must remain to learn it.

I accepted the spellwork. I remain neutral. I am here to help.